Time for a change

Wordpress seems fresher

http://nomercyshown.wordpress.com

It's been fun, blogspot.

SOON AS I SEE THE DUST SETTLE,

HE'S OUT ON THE TOWN TRYING TO FIND TROUBLE

Worst

Sudden wave of emotions.
What a horrible year it's been.
I hate pretending to be happy all the time.

Muse are an amazing band

Try and disagree with me.

-

Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad.
On occasion, I wish I was dead. That is all.

Into oblivion

You write such pretty words, but life's no storybook. Love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt.
Do you like to hurt? I do, then hurt me.

Keep your mouth shut, keep your eyes straight ahead

Yesterday I went to see Trapped Under Ice with Word Up, 50 Lions, Vultures and No Way Out in Sommerville, and what a show it was. To be surrounded by amazing people, watching some great bands, there was no where I'd rather be or nothing else I needed. I've been waiting for 2 years to see Word Up, so finally seeing them yesterday was excellent. Trapped Under Ice lived up to all expectations and then some, such a good, entertaining band.

My Dad comes home from Thailand tomorrow and then Mum goes to Bali in just over a week, what a life.

My life as a high school graduate is proving to be a great one. Though I am yet to complete all of my exams (1o days), I still feel the most free I ever have, and I'm unfair as whether this is a good or a bad thing.

I am content, as content as I'll ever be. Bring on the months of summer, bring on being able to see Molly (and everyone else for that matter) all the time and bring on summer some more.

TUI today

Psyched

Dramas

I just can't be fuckkkkkkkkkkkedddd. Keen for Saturday. Good hangs with Melissa then good music. I'm keen to stand on my own and mosh and sing.

Got my hair done today, rate cool.

Had my first shift at new job today.

Wish I could've gone to Molly's play tonight, I miss her already. She's what a best friend ought to be. WHAT A LIFE!

I have nothing of value to say.

I'm still going to..

eat animal products, watch horse racing, drink and be non-religious. I can understand people's motives behind most of these 'beliefs', however I am educated and if I make the decision to partake in these activities, I understand what I'm getting myself into.

I've definitely tried the vegetarian lifestyle, including being educated in the treatment of animals, and it did not work for me. The animal products I purchase are not from large corporations that pump their animals full of drugs so they produce more. They are from local farmers who care about ethical treatment of animals (free range eggs, etc).

I have spent a great deal of my life contemplating religion, and as much as I'd love to have something as wonderful as it is to seek some sort of refuge in, I can not see it as plausible in the slightest. The three biggest branches of religion: Christianity, Islam and Hinduism (not including Agnostic/Atheism), are so vast in their differences, I don't see how people can honestly think that their religion can have any more merit over the others.

In my opinion, the most pressing issue in the world are humanitarian rights that are being abused in each continent of the world, every day. From Beijing's treatment of it's separatist groups, to people trafficking in South America or even extreme poverty in well known cities such as Rio de Janeiro, to sex slaves in south east Asia, to those in Africa with no access to clean water, substantial food or education, it makes me sick to hear and see this happening worldwide. Sure, there are programs world wide to stop these from happening, but the reality is that it is still happening and it is still a prominent and sometimes ignored issue. I know a lot of people wish they could help but don't know where to start, but donate money through organisations or directly, if you go overseas on a holiday, go and volunteer for a few days or even volunteer in a homeless shelter in your community. People need to get off their high horse and start doing things for people other than themselves. These people are that, they are people just like you.

The modern world is obsessed with materialistic possessions and I am guilty of this too, but I have been doing volunteering and donating money for as long as I can remember. The fact that I'm about to start a job promoting something I hold so close to my heart excites me greatly.

Obviously these are my opinions, and I respect people who think else wise.

I love..

• that I'm about to start a new job
• that in 16 days it's my best friend's birthday AND the day I finish exams
• that I'm seeing Trapped Under Ice and Word Up on the weekend
• that I'm going to Ballarat in two sleeps
• that I'm no longer a 'student'
• that I'm getting my haircut soon
• that I'm happy
  

Seriously,

I don't understand how you can be so unappreciative. It's like the stuff that gets done for all of you just goes unnoticed and you live in a world of needing to be in constant control of the people in your life. I'm sick of it.

I don't know what to believe anymore

I don't want to believe.

Speak up, i'm listeninnnn'

I had my first actual proper real performance of my Drama solo yesterday and it went way better than I even could have thought. I didn't fuck up any lines and I think I delivered all the emotion I needed to. I perform it for real in exactly 24 hours and 11 minutes. I'm stressing because I've never done anything like this before, but I'm sure I'll somehow get through. I had a wicked day with MattyT yesterday, even though we were at school and supposed to be studying, it was fun. I have the English exam on Friday which I'm pretty sure I'm royally fucked for. I have my new job training tomorrow and Thursday which unfortunately takes up a whole lot of study time. However after English, I don't have any exams until the 12th of November, so I basically have no reason to be ill prepared for my following exams. My dad goes to Thailand today for two weeks, I will miss him but my Mum and I always have fun so that's cool. I don't really have much else on my mind, apart from that I hope I'm not working next Thursday so I can see Molly in her play. And also, I can't wait for TUI/WOOOOORD UP/50L/Cultures in not too long.

22 days couldn't come sooner. The end of exams and the end of MattyT's childhood, kthx

Pitbull.

I don't even know why I'm listening to this weird song, but it fits my weird mood. Basically, I think I have feelings for someone I never thought I would...

I'm a creep.

Hello Old Friend

How nice it is to hear from you again.
I honestly have missed you a lot.

class of 2009

I never could've planned to have cried as much as I did, or feel as empty as I do. I'm so happy that I've graduated and also scared, yet excited to see what my future holds.

What a weekend,

I don't even know where to begin, so I guess I'll begin with the start! It all started when I illegally left school on Friday with Steve then hung out on the train with Croley. We met up with Nicole, then Jam and Billy and made our way to the 'Daylight' instore at Missing Link. We got wee lil' Molly and saw some other kind faces (Tom, Donch, Luke, Brooke, Alexis, Nathan and others) too. My first impression of Daylight was, 'Hoooooly shit', and at that moment I knew that love at first sight/listen was completely true. I was in complete and utter awe the entire time and couldn't make the smile leave my face. After this we met up with Claire, Tommo, Emily and Denise and I got to spend fantastic quality time with a lot of my friends. After a bit of hanging out and singing Happy Birthday to Brooke), most of us made our way down to the Arthouse. This marked Sam's first show with Vultures which he did a wonderful job at. MattyT, Rachel, Daniel and Steve joined us at some stage and brought even more fun to the table. Many beers and laughs were had, and it was an enjoyable night which allowed me to see Daylight (Twice in one day, I know!) and Break Even. Getting the last train home with this rowdy bunch was a treat, and getting into bed with Rachel and Molly was even more of a treat. Waking up early and starting homework like a good study buddy was actually enjoyable, but cooking breakfast and a marvelous lunch for those ladies was more fun. After studying all day and Molly playing Blowfish on my iPod all day, we got picked up in the Tarantomobile to visit the House of Barrow with a bunch of other lovely fellows. Because Molly and I were tired and in a 'meh' mood, we thought we wouldn't enjoy ourselves but how wrong we were! The band name game was in full swing and lasted for a great amount of time. Molly and I then came back to my house to get some hard earned rest. We awoke to the sound of lovely bird alarm clock and got ready. After a wonderful breakfast cooked by Aileen, off we were, to meet up with our friends and go to Break Even, again. We chilled then made our way to the Evelyn in which I got to be in the company of my Top 3 Josh's all at once in the line. Overall it was a pretty good show, in which we got to see Donch again (and he let me keep his propeller hat), mosh with Mr Josh Wells, cuddle my wonderful Gareth, dance ridiculously and celebrate Nicole's birthday (happy 19th my lovely). After a fabulous train ride home, I walk into my lounge room to find my Mac is back! I like my life.

**The above is a detailed piece of writing because if I ever get amnesia I'll want to remember this and the wonderful people I spent it with.

Hello Summer

Sick~

One of my best friends says she's moving away in a few weeks, and expects nothing to change. One of my other best friends, quite obviously only cares about one person in her life now days. There are other people I once considered to be best friends, but just decide to walk out of my life.

I know I'm a selfish sook, but fuck, so over it.

Can't wait to graduate.

Sick

It seems like everyone with a blog uses a thesaurus to make themselves sound deep.

Always look on the bright side of life

My mental health is a concern, my brain feels like it is slowly shutting down and every time I am stressed I get a throbbing headache. The only way I can feel positive at the moment is looking into the future, near and distant:

- Rachel sleeping over tomorrow night
- Seeing people on Saturday
- My Mum's birthday on Sunday
- Job interview next Friday
- Ballarat and Melbourne Sike Your Mind
- Braces Off (October 13th)
- 'BRACES OFF PARTY TIME'
- Back to Berwick
- Graduation/Valedictory
- Evening of November 18th
- Matt's 18th
- The Used
- Schoolies
- Matt's house in Summer
- Christmas
- Shopping Tour with Rachel
- Soundwave 2010

I think this is all I can realistically look forward to at the moment. So whenever I am feeling down I think I will look at this list to make myself feel better. Though I do not believe in any god, if one does exist, I would like them to send Jamie T to my house for us to be wed, thank you.

Happy (Belated) Fathers Day

Dear Dad,

Whether you are trying to get me up in the morning, or whether we're dancing in the kitchen to TV show themes, I always cherish the time spent with you. It's safe to say that our family couldn't be better, and no matter if we argue or disagree, I know that both you and Mum will always be there for me. I am thankful for all that you've done for me, and for everything you have allowed me to do. I've always had amazing birthdays and Christmases, I've traveled the world and you are always happy to buy me things on your credit card or be my taxi service. You've sacrificed a lot for me to go to a great school, and you've paid for my bulldogs membership for the past 10 years. You always lend me money, or give me spare change if I'm running low and let me get in your car with my dirty work uniform on. Even though it's fun when you go away for a few days in the week, I still miss it when you're not around. If I ever needed you, I know you'd be there in a heartbeat. There's no one I'd rather have in my life, happy fathers day Dad.

I love you.

Sam Donchi

Words cannot explain how vital you are to me having a happy and satisfying life. Whenever I'm around you, I can't help but smile. Ever since I met you I've been a better person and when I don't see you it makes me unhappy. I know that I can trust you with my life and we have one of the most amazing friendships I've ever been apart of. You're a great person, and there's no one I'd rather go to prom with.

If you're ever feeling down, know that I will always, always be there for you. I love you Sam.

Not coping

Knowing the end is so close is amazing, but the amount of things I have to do before I can say, "What a year", is ridiculous. I don't want to do my first three minutes of Drama solo tomorrow, or the next two minutes the week after or even perform it on the 28th of October because I know it will be a piece of shit. I don't want to have trial exams next week, because I already know I will completely fuck all of them up. I don't want to record my product, because it will be a piece of shit. I don't want to study, because I would much rather lie in bed. I don't want to go to revision lectures because time would be better spent elsewhere. I don't want to relearn all of the years work for IS because knowing me I'll just forget it. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to wake up in the morning, and every moment spent out of a classroom is treasured. I cannot see any light in going to school and all I do is daydream about finishing. I could say I can't wait for the school 'holidays', but even then, the pressure to be constantly pressuring yourself is ridiculous. Welcome to the longest 2 and a half month period of my life, and bring on the celebrations that commence following my last exam on the 18th of November (aka MattyT's birthday).

In closing, fuck my life.

Hmmm

now beat up, drugged up she feelin' the strain
she says in a rap what the fuck im supposed to do
fuck it i'll start stop keep running through,
true but you try ain't easy to do,
she been buckle belt beaten from the bat like a brat,
dunno where she goin' but she know where she at,
so georgy its like a chain react,
but the truth is you know she probably fought back,
tears stream down her face,
she screamed away,
when i fall, no one catch me
alone lonely, i'll overdose slowly
get scared, i'll scream and shout
but you know it wont matter she'll be passing out
i say giggidibigidiup just another day
another sad story, thats tragedy,
paramedic announced death at 10.30
rip it up kick it to spit up the views

Homework

It's such a drag. Hanna has a new tv and Hanna's mum made me mittens, they rule. Going to Rachel's tomorrow night after I see Avenue Q. Two of the best friends are all I've seen/will see this weekend, and I don't care. I'm going to play gameboy tonight.

Generally speaking

I hate people who are fifteen and younger. I don't think I need to justify. If I was 15, I'd probably hate me too.

Dear Molly Rose Kurth,

You definitely do not understand how important you are to me, and how vital you are in my world. As mothering as it sounds, I worry about you when I don't know where you are, and if I come across as mean, I only want what's best for you. Seeing you can brighten up my whole day, and completely change my mood. For example, the 'good with your hands and face' face from the other day, had us both in fits of laughter for ages, whereas most people would just look at us like, okay sickos. I'm so lucky to be able to call you one of my best friends, even though I used to be "in love with your (at the time) boyfriend" and I apparently 'hated you'. I have no idea how we became as close as we did, but I'm so happy we did. You really are a shining light in my life Molly. My mum was talking to me the other day, about my friends, and she made a point to tell me how much she likes you, and how she really admires you. Come to think of it, I really admire you too.

You think you're so tough,

but you're actually just a kid. You seem to forget how young, and immature the world sees you as. Simply telling someone that has been a loyal friend that you can't be anymore, is a childish and selfish act, when you really have no reason at all. You basically need to get over things that have happened in the past that are never going to change, your childish attitude and most importantly, you need to get over yourself. By saying one thing, and doing another, it shows how much I meant to you. I obviously meant fuck all to you, because you treat me as disposable as a piece of trash and no longer respect me at all. Simply, you need to give up, because you're just a kid. A kid that I've spent so much time with, a kid that I still consider one of my closest friends and a kid that I will always love, somewhere in my heart.

Slowburn

Andrew Jackson Jihad

Oh my god there's scenesters everywhere, with their hair gel and their vintage t-shirts. Why didn't the shins come to phoenix? And why didn't mirah come to phoenix?

Because the modified is too small and the marquis is too big. And the complex is rightfully dead. And the hipsters with their snide comments and aversion to applause.

Oh my god, hardcore kids everywhere, with their hair gel and their color green.
How do they look so good while their convictions remain so strong?

Because their hair gel that they use isn't tested on animals and their swallow tattoos are fucking lame. And cocaine is essentially vegan and they don't give a fuck anyway. They're so vain, and yes, this song is about them.

Oh my god post-hardcore kids everywhere, with their violence and pomposity. So fucking straightedge getting high off of self-righteousness and praying to a sideways cross. So urban, so infantile, so angry, so young, and so poor. They don't need to use a crutch 'cuz they've got the wheelchair.

Oh my god there's assholes everywhere, pretentious fucking assholes everywhere. Oh my god there's assholes everywhere, pretentious judgmental assholes everywhere.

My holidays

I still have one week left, but they've been amazing so far!

My highlights are:

- Ladies Night, started off the holidays wonderfully. A night with my favourite girls, getting ridiculously pruney hands because we were in the spa for way too long. And spooning with Molly always rules.
- The afternoon I had Starbucks with Jade and Matty because there were no tables at Degraves. Then we walked all the way to Big W with Andrew and there were no crewnecks.
- Prue's birthday lunch. I got to see Prue, Tracey, Jade, Jes and Andrew all at once, and also meet some lovely new people.
- Shopping with Tracey and Danny, you honestly have no idea how much fun we had. It was one of the funnest experiences possible at Fountain Gate.
- Science Works with Holly, Lewis and Danny. Oh, and Donch :) Losing the wheel chair race to Lewis made me really sad though!
- Front row, centre at Wicked, just sayin'
- Chilling side-street with Jade, Jes, Steph, Schoffer and Andrew for ages, then going into the $1/$2 with Steph, Jade and Schoffer and buying everything!
- REEL UP! recording with Jade and Coco, one of the most fun nights ever.
- Afternoon in Ballarat with Steph Coco and Canning. Watching 70K, Dude where's my car and youtube videos (and porn 'so did you guys wanna watch some more or..") Then top model!
- The night following that afternoon when Steph and I watched Beauty and the Geek and screamed at the tv for the guy we wanted to win :) And we had a mad cuddle session when we slept too.
- DND the next day in Ballarat. Because I got to chill with the Melbourne crew, (Steph, Canning, Molly, Nicole, Ellen, Harley Jamez and Little Ellen). And I also got to see Tess which ruled. Break Even were a-m-a-z-i-n-g! No other words to describe.
- That messy night with Canning, Steph and Molly and Ellen at Stephs, hit the goon very hard and made good videos.
- Being able to catch up with Jade and Schoffer when I got back from Ballarat ruled, even if it was only for a little bit.
- Visiting Hanna is always fun because she's a masterchef.
- Going to the Melbourne DND spontaneously, to see Break Even again, and also see so many wonderful people. Jade, Dan, Andrew, Lewis (and his wonderful sister), Candy, Chris, James, Pat, Spinz, LUKE, basically everyone that I knew and was there, made it so so so wonderful for me. And I just had a great day. Especially serenading Andrew with my ~awesome~ singing skills.

My friends, both old and new, have actually made these holidays so good for me. Whether I've known you for years, have recently rekindled a friendship with you or are just becoming close with you, you've most likely impacted on how fantastic my holidays were.

:)

You inspire me..

Stephanie Coco
Jade Mooney
Andrew Moore
Molly Kurth
Cale Stobbie

Thank you.

Ballarat

We actually had the best few days ever. Hanging in bed/coffees/70k/dinner/antm with Canning and Steph, seeing Break Even, drunk times with Canning and Ellen, new friends, seeing old friends, fancy mcdonalds, 12 bus, and basically just chilling with Steph :)

Loving life.

Dear friend,

Even though we can argue like a house on fire, get jealous of each other, have really inappropriate conversations, disagree on everything, and I tease you about being little, you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. When I'm with you, I can't help but smile. You never fail to make me the happiest person alive, and I can't have a bad time when I'm around you. Whether I see you for an hour or a whole day, afterward I miss you like crazy. I like how we share food and coffee too, and we spend days scabbing money at school so we can have adequate funds after school. I honestly can say I don't know what I'd do without your good morning texts, your cuddles, your smile and just your general friendship. This is what a friendship is supposed to be like. You know how much I love you, but I don't think I tell you how much I appreciate you. I can honestly say I will be there for you always, and I trust you with my life. Everyday I know I'm seeing you, no matter how shit my day's going to be, I know that at some point it will pick up. The days I spend with you, will be ones I treasure for ever. I'd basically be lost without you best friend.

The Liberty of Norton Folgate

I have been listening to this album non-stop for the past few days. I find it amazing that Madness can be so great in 2009, 30 years after their first release. I don't feel compelled ever to turn it off mid-album, for it's just so so good. The title track, at 10 minutes long, is one of the most interesting and upbeat songs I've ever heard. I can't get enough!

02.03.09

It's never going to seem real.

Home

I'm at home sick.

I hate my life.

Have a nice day.

My weekend

I had a remarkable weekend. The formal, hangs in the city, three sleepovers in a row and Lily Allen today made it pretty special.

Hey Ballarat Girls

The main reasons for my general happiness.

I'm in a strange mood

I'm keen for tomorrow.

Four day weekend

Half way done.

On Friday I went into the city with lovely Danny, which was wonderful because he faked a sickie. We also saw lovely Matt which was good because I hadn't seen him in way too long. I then v-lined it to Ballarat to see my lovely Steph, which ruled because we watched karaoke, Ferris and I rummaged through her kitchen. We then got up really early to come back to Melbourne with lovely Tess, then we met up with lovely Steve, lovely Donch, lovely Daniel and the loveliest MattyT. Then some of us traveled to Richmond and got in the line with the lovely Princess aka Kelan and the lovely Chris. Then we also saw lovely Rachel and lovely Ellen. We basically then saw Set Your Goals and had a ruling time, BYPC. I love when a lot of my friends are all in the one place, working together, BYPC.

This is a really pointless post, but it really just meant a lot for me to see SYG again.

People in my life that deserve recognition

Thank you Stephanie, Matthew and Sam.

Give me a smile

Just love the world that won't love you back

Constantly in my mind whenever something gets me down. The weekend was amazing, but Monday's always seem to bring something shit. Have Heart yesterday afternoon was incredible, I'm so happy I got a ticket. Saturday night was good fun also, I have missed my friends so much that it was great to see them. I miss them all now though :)

Some pictures from Hollys:

Luck

I have a ticket to Have Heart on Sunday, thanks to a lovely lady. I'll hopefully be getting my formal dress tomorrow morning, then working and then going to Holly's and seeing everyone. Sounds like a good weekend to me.

I like and miss these people

I can't get enough of La Dispute

Their music is unexplainable.

Thoughtful

You put a smile on my face.

My friends

Seriously, where the fuck have you been? I miss you all so much.
The weekends are supposed to be when I can get away from stupid school, and be with you guys, and it hasn't happened. I don't know if it's lack of effort on either side, or just lack of time. If this is about you, you'll know, because I tell you regularly.

I can't believe it's over

One of the greatest experiences of my time at Haileybury, and now it's over. It allowed me to make so many amazing friends. The three below will always be apart of my life, and I love more than imaginable!







In other news, my lovely BeStIe Amy (see above) turned 18 on Thursday, and got her P's the day after. Amy's 18th on Saturday night helped ease the pain of JC's finality :)




Back to school tomorrow, I'm liking hanging out with a lot of my new friends. For once I'm not angry.


Goodnight.

JCS

Wow, that's all I can say. One more night to go.

Maddi Connaughton

The first netball team wear bodysuits.

Realisation

Everything he did to me, I'm doing to you.

I'm sorry.

Fuck

Where the fuck is your motivation? Motivation to live. You're useless,
a fuck up, just shut the fuck up. Your whole life is a walk in the park, filled
with happy birds and great big trees. This is not real. Wake up and smell the
dirty air. Some day it will all crash down, I will not help. You are a failure.
I will not help, this may sound harsh, but i don't give a fuck. I have no sympathy
i don't give a fuck.

The fact that I can relate to a Pigs Bail song on a basis more than "partying" and having braces is beyond me, but this is exactly how I feel. Fuck this world, and fuck everyone that is apart of it. I have no sympathy for the weak, I don't give a fuck about anything and I really don't care if this makes me a bad person.

I'm sick of being nice all the time, and it not being reciprocated.

I'm sick of going to school every day, and my intelligence and my ability to answer questions under strict conditions will decide if I will be successful.

I'm sick of dead-shit losers, with no idea what's going on in the world around them and have no direction in life.

I'm sick of prejudices of all kinds.

I'm sick of people who think violence is the best way to solve problems.

People who think social hierarchy is the most important thing in the world. It doesn't make you cool to rip on the people who aren't as great as you, because they're usually the nicest people in the world.

Seriously, fuck you all.

I'm sick of everything.

Just shut the fuck up

Thoughts

Overjoyed, seriously.

This is what I live for:

I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore

Seriously, tell me how you feel. Tell me exactly what you want me to do. Make me a slave to your needs. I'm lost, I'm unsure of where I'm supposed to be heading. Is it wrong that I feel like this, or do you feel this too? I wish I had some form of clarity. I know you're different to the rest, and I wish the fact of that would push itself through my other thoughts.

To two people

1. You are the most amazing person, ever. There is no doubt in my mind. Everything about you makes me happy, and I'm so glad you're my friend.

2. You are truly wonderful. And, I can't wait to see you. (L)

Lost

Everything I thought I knew, I don't. I'm constantly second guessing myself, I can't make a decision. I'm sick of putting this mask on every day, to hide who I really am. This smile, it's not always real. I'm not happy.

I won't lie and say I'm a mess, I'm not. Things certainly make me happy, I just wish it could always be like this. When I see his smile, or when I see her every morning, I know my life is worth living. My smile is real.

I'll carry on, as long as it gets me where I need to be. But, know that I'm not happy about being "happy".

Together we cry

Why can't you see how much you mean to me?

Fuck you

I hate you, and everything you've done to me. I hate that I'm miserable and even though I tell myself I don't need you, I do. I miss you, and I wish you would just embrace me again.

You're the worst person I know, you have no morals, no ambition, yet there's something about you I find simply irresistible.

Fuck you for this unnecessary shit you've put me through, I now know letting myself feel this way was a mistake.

I need someone to whisk me off my feet so I can stop thinking about you. To take me out of this cold, dark place that you've left me in.

Fuck you, for everything, if I ever see you again, it won't be pleasant.

Awe

Sometimes I feel like I dont have a partner. Sometimes I feel like my only friend. Is the city I live in, the city of angels? Lonely as I am, together we cry. I drive on her streets cause shes my companion. I walk through her hills cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy. I never worry, now that is a lie. I don't ever want to feel like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way. It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there. It's hard to believe that I'm all alone. At least I have her love, the city, she loves me. Lonely as I am, together we cry. I don't ever want to feel like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way. Under the bridge downtown is where I drew some blood. Under the bridge downtown, I could not get enough. Under the bridge downtown, forgot about my love. Under the bridge downtown, I gave my life away.

I don't care what anyone says, Red Hot Chili Peppers are the most incredible band in the world. They are a band that I cannot compare to any other, and they can truly alter my mood. Along with Ruiner, The Streets and Say Anything, they are definitely my favourite.

Anthony Kiedis has lead an amazing life, and he is my hero.

Amaze

This song never ceases to amaze me. Actually, this album never ceases to amaze me.

Living like a stone in a river, all alone. Peaceful at the bottom while the rest fight not to drown. Sitting while the current of the stream passes me by. Forget about the fighting and the flow as I empty my mind. Living like a fossil, still from the torrent of time in a broken world. Still a stone at the end of the line. My trajectory is so true they float away and I don't move. Crooked head pulling at the end of a rope, waiting for a sign. Swimming through the flood, so afraid because there is so little time. Always running, always searching, always making it a race. So detached like a leaf, never fixed to life in one place. Getting lost in the shuffle makes you feel so small. Fight against the swell just to throw yourself at the wall. They're all dogs, fighting over the bone. I'm gonna live, I'm gonna leave it alone. Crooked head.

20 dollar bills sticking out of your nostril

Listening to Frenzal makes me miss my friends more than anything. They are such wonderful people. I have two more sleeps in Thailand, then one on the plane and then I'm home.

I made a decision the other day, and to me, it was a bit of a breakthrough. I think it's benefiting me.

Fear

Letting go of my love with a strangers breath against my skin. I left my heart 200 miles away. I never want it back. It all fell apart and the blood ran cold, through these dead veins. Standing by your side by your side without saying a word, I was breathless. Nothing left to believe in. Your worn face and hands tell the stories of solitude, endless Friday nights and fucking fear. Finally breaking our silence, only to find out the harsh reality that catches up on winter nights that came to soon, too fucking soon, I'm only 19 years old, but there's so much pain in here, fuck this pain. So look past my skin, look past these scars, look past the glimmer of hope in my eyes and touch my heart.
If I'm honest, it feels like your only haunting me.

Wonderful

You're a bad person, and you don't deserve the gift of life.

Shiver

The heart may freeze, or it can burn. The pain will ease, if I can learn. There is no future, there is no past, I'll live this moment as my last. There's only us, there's only this. Forget, regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today.

Revelation

I just wrote a massive blog about you, and in the matter of seconds it was deleted.

Fuck you, you're dead to me.

We are diseased

I keep waking up horizontally across my super, kind sized bed. No blanket, shivering, muffled sniffles from my stupid, pointless cold. Feet stingy, blister ridden. Legs covered in bites, itchy as fuck. Just want to sleep some more, but don't know how. Back and neck sore from continuous cracking. And on top of all this, I can say I'm having an absolutely amazing time. I wish I could've seen a few bands that were playing at home while I'm over here, but I guess that's show business.

We never will be

Eye to eye, I'll keep my composure, hands shaking and these fists will be tightly clenched. I want it back, I’ll say for the first time, every ounce of fucking air you’ve never appreciated. If this is all that I am, a series of choice words, you’ll never hear this angelic voice again. I’m tired of talking in circles explaining what you don’t get; you’ve never lost, never loved, never ever fucking lived. You left me for dead once. How could I forget? Now I can see right through your hollow empty eyes, I will never again go unnoticed. Say this is jealousy that I’m feeling well then I’m fine with that. You have a certain characteristic that gives you the means to not feel a fucking thing for anyone that isn’t you. Now tell me you’re not fucking selfish. For every kind hearted word that I spoke to you, I beg I could take back every syllable you ripped from my mouth as I screamed for you to understand what it feels like to not be as important to someone as they are to you. Well I’ve been on both ends and my lesson was learned. So I tell the stories of collapsed lungs so maybe the fortunate could get a fighting chance to just cut and fucking run. Fuck saying the right things, I’m sick of being your crutch. I will never pick you up again. Don’t show me that face, you know the one that I’m talking about. You will never get under my skin again. Not another word. Not sorry for shit. I’m leaving you breathless, broken, alive.

A good friend is cheaper than therapy

8:32 pm, Hua Hin. I'm left to do homework, but instead, I blog. I've been thinking a lot today about influential people in my life. There's been many over the years, and I haven't always been given the chance to thank them, or tell them how much they've shaped the person I am. So I'll do it here, where no one reads, to get my thoughts out.

Person a.
I've known you for a really long time now, and you're the greatest person I've ever met. You are my best friend, and there's no debating that, and I will never, ever, ever let anyone take you away from me. Even when I'm mean to you, know that you're the person in the world I will always be there for.

I smoked a pack of cigarettes before mid-day.
I coughed up a lung around one.
I can't see a thing through my eyes that sting.
I can't remember having so much fun.

Person b.
You're such a strong person, and I respect you in the highest regard. All the time I've known you has been complete and utter bliss. You are always there if I need someone to talk, or if I just need someone to laugh with. Coming to your house is possibly the funnest thing ever, and something we all look forward to. You'll always be my favourite sailor scout.

Person c.
Ever since I met you, I've absolutely adored you, from Ballarat to Berwick times 1000. I love your sweaty hands, and I love all our amazing in jokes and crews. We have the best sleepovers known to man, and watching doglover is always a highlight. You're truly one in a million, and you're the only person I would ever sing any differing-lyrics-esque Beatles songs with. I can't wait for our Sk8er Boi dedication.

Person d.
I'm such a shit friend to you and I have no idea how you put up with me. But our weeknight hangs actually turn a terrible day into the best possible. You're always there for me, and I can be my complete self around you always. In our rough patches, I know you'll always be there for me, and now that you're in my life, I can't imagine it without you.

Person e.
You open my eyes to the world. Some days you make me cry, others you make me laugh, everything from you is unexpected. You're amazing.

Person f.
You're one of the most wonderful people on the planet, and I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like you. I am so happy you've stuck around for this long (3 year anniversary soon), and I actually don't know what I'd do without you.

Person g.
You're absolutely wonderful and irreplaceable. I can't wait to make a speech at your 18th, and I promise it'll be just as amazing as you want it to be. You are a true friend, and I will always love to touch your void.

Person h.
Basically, my life would suck without you.


My nice stage is over now, back to being a wanker.


Goodnight, peace.

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I miss you.

You're truly amazing, and you will always be in my heart. I hope you're doing okay, wherever you are right now.

Rest in Peace.

Stranger things could never change my mind

I'm sitting in Hua Hin, with a massive smile on my face. I love that in a little over a week I'll be going to Chiang Mai, but for now I'm enjoying being right here.

I was standing at Immigration this morning, and bonded with these two middle aged French guys and a cute-aged middle Indian lady because we were laughing at these freaks who smelt absolutely disgusting and kept staring at me and thought I'd be chilled if they pushed directly in front of me in the line. It sucked.

I think too much!

Checkin' out this and that

I leave for Thailand tonight, and I honestly can't wait.

Give it away now

Tomorrow, it will be one day until my seventeenth birthday. Even though it isn't a 'milestone' so to speak, I love birthdays. I love the feeling you get when it's your birthday, and nothing can break your stride. So needless to say, I need this birthday.

I have gotten over anger I have toward individuals, and I'm sure I'll cope with the given circumstances, or whatever. I'm so happy I get to see Steph tomorrow, and hopefully Molly and Wilson too. I don't see enough of them.

It doesn't feel like I'm about to go overseas for two weeks. And I don't usually get the 'holiday feeling' until I'm actually in Thailand, in the taxi, on the way to my hotel.

I get to see my friends tomorrow night in celebration of my birthday, can't wait.

And by the way, I don't give a shit about you.

Hit me, you can't hurt me

It's three days until my birthday, which means four days until I go to Thailand. Chiang Mai is the only place apart from home, when I truly feel like home. I feel like I can truly embrace and appreciate the Thai culture.

I get to see basically everyone that means something to me this week, for my birthday and before I leave, which I'm so grateful for. It's likely I will be having minimal to no contact with them for the next two weeks, so though it'll be sad, I think it'll be good to have a huge break from everyone.

Life is pretty smooth at the moment, and most of the problems that graced me last week have now somewhat disappeared. Though it is aggravating that these things are just 'forgotten' and life is lived on as usual, I guess I don't have another choice.

These pictures sum up my weekend, oh so Haileybury, but I loved it.

Take me to the place I love

The weekends used to be somewhere where I could get away from the pain that is school. Now, I seem to always be fighting with at least one of my friends, or they seem to have some superficial nonsense problem that they can't sort out for the benefit of everyone else.

The past month has been huge, and it has taught me so much. I don't care about anything anymore. I couldn't give less of a shit about peoples break-ups or make ups or who fucked who, because there are much, much more important things in life. It has taught me that your life truly can be taken from you, at any point in time, so you have to live your life to it's full capacity, and not stop for all the losers who will stop you on the way. And trust me, there are plenty of them.

It has also taught me how much I take for granted, and how much I need to appreciate what I have in life.

From now on, I'm doing what's best for me, and doing what I want to do. I'm going to say exactly what I want and treat people how they deserve to be treated. I have no room for people who constantly treat me like shit, yet still call themselves my friend, I don't need you anymore and you obviously don't need me.